Author: Suzanne Skinner (skinner@donald.EEAP.CWRU.edu) Filename: poems/Skinner.SnowWhite Listed in: TolkLang 9.74 Discussed in: TolkLang 9.75 Lossa! Lossa! [14] A Heri vana [0]! A Taari pell' i-Eari [1] Nuumea [2]! A Kala men i raanar sinome I-ardasse aldaron rembe [3]! Eltaniel! A Elentari! Vana [0] nar [4] henilyar [5] ar kalima suulya [6]! Lossa! Lossa! Lindalme lin Noresse [7] haira i-Ear pella. A eleni ta [8] i-Yeenesse Avanar Maryanen kalima ner rende [9], Lairessen suurea si kalima ar vana Kenalme surye [10] losselya tyelpea! A Elentari! Eltaniel! Er [11] enyalalme, i maralme Noresse [12] sina haira nu i-aldar, Silmelya i-Eassen [13] Nuumea. [general]: I am not too good at poetry so this may sound kind of awkward -- it is mostly just a straight translation. Thanks to AA for all his writing (esp. the loooong archive file on Quenya grammar) [= QN]; it helped a lot :) [0] I couldn't find a suitable word for "clear" in this context so I substituted "beautiful" ## (AA) and everywhere: 'vana' -= 'vanya' = "beautiful". Or for "clear" try PE {awa} = "without" + {wagh} = "stain" > Q. *'auwa' or *'auwea' the like. [1] ## (AA) and everywhere: 'i-' = "the" (like the Greek article 'ho, hee, to') can be omitted in poetry in Quenya, to fit the meter. Even in prose Quenya seems to use the definite article much less than English does. [2] ## (AA) -= 'Nuumie', as 'Eari' is nom/acc pl. Or 'Nuumenye' (pl. of '-ya') [3] ## (AA) "land of mesh of trees": 'rembe' -= genitive 'rembeo'. [4] ## (AA) 'nar' -= 'ear' pl. of 'ea', as they are beautiful/etc by nature permanently. [5] ## (AA): (a) ETYM shows that the stem of 'hen' = "eye" is 'hende' < PE root {khende}; but LOTR has 'henulka' = "evil-eyed", not *'hendulka'. (b) I am tempted to use the dual here: 'hendelyat': in some real languages natural pairs like paired body parts hold onto the dual the most firmly. [6] ## (AA) -= 'suulelya' [7] ## (AA) -= 'nooresse' [8] ## (AA) 'ta' -= 'yar' (pl. of 'ya'), as it is relative pronoun here. 'ta' is demonstrative only. Best not 'i' here, adjacent to another 'i-'. [9] ## (AA) Or use active past tense: 'rereere' < PE *'redee-see' = "she sowed". [10] I couldn't find a suitable word for "blown", so I derived it from the word for wind. ## (AA) The stars are not being blown about by the wind. As Tolkien twice in LOTR used 'truncheon' in an old meaning as 'spearshaft', he may have used 'blown' here in an old meaning, as 'opened', < Anglo-Saxon 'bloowian' = "to flower" (compare "BLO-ssom", Latin 'flos') rather than 'blaawan' = "to blow, as breath or wind" (compare Latin 'flare' > "inFLAte"). This use survives in modern usage in "overblown" = "opened too far" of roses etc. If so, try "palyala" (present participle) = "opening, spreading". [11] ## (AA) 'er' = "one", = "still" when "still" is used as an opposition of facts like "but": "x=4 in the book, but still John got it as 3.": 'A, er B' = "A, but (still) B", as if B is the fact which is unlike the rest. If "still" = "was and now after a long time still is", try some derivative of Proto-Eldarin root {bor} or {boron} = "endure". [12] ## (AA) -= 'nooresse' [13] ## (AA) I would prefer 'earsen' with the stem 'ear' undamaged. [14] ## (AA) Where does adjective 'lossa' come from? Tolkien's English as in AA's copy:- Snow-white! Snow-white! O Lady clear! / O Queen beyond the Western Seas! O light to us that wander here / amid the world of woven trees! Gilthoniel! O Elbereth! / Clear are thy eyes and bright thy breath! Snow-white! Snow-white! We sing to thee / in a far land beyond the Sea. O stars that in the sunless year / with shining hand by her were sown, in windy fields now bright and clear / we see your silver blossom blown! O Elbereth! Gilthoniel! / We still remember, we who dwell in this far land beneath the trees, / thy starlight on the Western Seas.